In His Place: Sonic Idols Book #2 Read online

  We all thought he’d suffered a heart attack as the symptoms seemed to point that way, but when he was rushed to the hospital, blue lights flashing and siren blaring, it turned out to be the culmination of anxiety and stress. Who’d have thought that could manifest itself so badly? The road and the crazed fans were really taking their toll on him and he finally reached his breaking point. It made us all think about how we dealt with the darker side of fame, and I resolved to make more time for relaxation. But then when he was supposed to be recuperating back at his place in London, Nick did a disappearing act and we were all stuck in some kind of limbo, wondering what the hell had gotten into him. He was obviously well enough to fuck off, but hadn’t had the decency to tell us where to or why. It caused so many arguments and Den got paler and paler, which was worrying. We were all so used to his glowing orange hue that seeing the worry affect his desire for fake tan made us question everything.

  All was so not right with the world.

  What was worse, however, was we couldn’t tour without our lead vocalist, and we couldn’t finish recording either. Chris tried hard to locate his best mate, but Nick eluded him at every turn. Even Dacre’s mum was in on it all and I think the guys resented that, but knowing my own mother, I could totally understand her reactions. She was protecting her son. She had seen what had happened when Joe died and how it had affected my family, and she simply didn’t want anything like that for her son. Totally rational, if you ask me.

  After two weeks of being unable to resolve the situation, and with the record company and venues breathing down his neck, Den did the only thing he could. He announced that we were to take a holiday until the whole shitty mess was dealt with.

  You’d think that after being on the road for so long, I’d jump at the chance to go home or go somewhere and see something other than a hotel room or a stadium. The opportunity to visit interesting places, museums, beaches should have been an exciting prospect to me. But the thought of not being on tour filled me with dread. It had been my life for so long, it was impossible to know how to cope without it. What the fuck could I do with all this unwanted free time?

  My first instinct was to visit my parents. It was long overdue, after all. But everything had to be so cloak and dagger. Contrary to my wishes, my folks still lived in the house in Leeds where Joe and I grew up, and this meant that every single website, social media page, and jungle drum had the news of my return home before I’d even arrived there.

  Blue Demon had assigned security detail to my mum and dad’s address, and I was instructed not to go out unaccompanied, which really pissed me off. I’d be a prisoner on my bloody so-called holiday.

  When I arrived home and was deposited inside the house by two huge bodyguards, my mum gripped me and clung on for dear life. “Oh, darling. We’ve missed you so much. How’s the tour going?â€�

  I shrugged. “Well, it was going great until… you know.â€�

  My dad slapped my back. “We heard about the whole thing with Nick on the news. They’re saying it’s connected to drugs, Si.â€� A crease of disapproval furrowed my father’s brow.

  I shook my head fervently. “Nope. Not a chance in hell, Dad. I know Nick. He wouldn’t do that. Not after Joe.â€�

  My mum stepped back and cupped my face. “But stress does terrible things to a person, sweetheart. You never know what—â€�

  I placed my hands over hers. “No, Mum! I know Nick. He may be stressed, but drugs? After everything the band went through with Joe?â€�

  My anguish must have been clear on my face as both parents hugged me again. “We just worry about you, son. That’s all.â€�

  I kissed them both on the head in turn. “I know you do. But I’m fine. I’m better than fine. I’m touring with a world-famous rock band, for Pete’s sake!â€� I tried to sound excited in a bid to ease their worry, but I couldn’t disguise the fact that I too was concerned for my surrogate big brother. I just hoped they located him sooner rather than later, and that he was safe and not being held against his will or something equally as horrendous.

  Walking into my old bedroom after such a long time away filled me with emotions I thought I had long since learned to control. It smelled the same somehow. Not unclean, you understand, but… homely. Familiar. I could still close my eyes and picture Joe and me playing with building bricks on the carpet, trying to make the tallest tower we could until we ran out of blocks, or squabbling over whose turn it was to choose the next CD—Joe always seemed to win. It was in this very room where my musical education took place. I went from liking fluffy pop music to loving the likes of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, and Soundgarden. Joe’s influence was strong and he was so right about the musicians being uber talented.

  I placed my bag down and walked over to the notice board. There was a new photo in the centre. It showed Joe and Allie and must have been taken about six months before he died. God, they looked so fucking happy it made tears well in my eyes.

  I placed my finger on the image of Allie smiling up at Joe as he gazed lovingly down at her. “I’m sorry I never said sorry to your face, Allie.â€� I swiped at moisture as it escaped my eyes and I felt a presence in the doorway.

  “Simeon? Are you okay, sweetheart?â€� I glanced over to find my mum there, her hands twisting nervously in front of her.

  “Me? Y-yeah, Mum. I’m fine. Just… you know…coming back here…â€�

  She stepped inside. “W-what did you mean?â€�

  I frowned and cleared my throat. “About what?â€�

  She glanced at the photo on the pin board. “When you looked at that photo you said, ‘Sorry for not saying sorry’. I don’t understand what you mean.â€�

  I heaved a sigh and ran my hands back through my hair. I shook my head, trying to find the words to explain, but they wouldn’t come readily, so I went and sat on my bed.

  “I never apologised to Allie for not being there when he died.â€�

  I glanced up to find a confused expression on my mother’s face. “Why would you need to apologise? You did nothing wrong.â€�

  A lump formed in my throat and I swallowed in a bid to dislodge it. “He asked me to go on the tour with them and I chose uni instead.â€� I clenched my jaw as anger began to rise inside of me. “If I’d been there… if I’d gone on the tour, I could’ve stopped him taking the drugs. He wouldn’t have done it if I’d been there, Mum. He’d still be here. Him and Allie would be married and you’d still have your son.â€� I bit down on the inside of my cheek, desperate not to cry anymore.

  She came and sat beside me. “Is that why you never come home? Is that why you struggle to talk about Joe? Because you feel responsible?â€�

  “I am responsible, Mum. Didn’t you hear what I just said?â€�

  She gripped my hand, hard. “Now you listen to me. What happened was a stupid accident. Blaming yourself for what another grown man does is ridiculous. He was an adult, Simeon. And he made his own choices that night. You can’t blame yourself.â€�

  I wanted to believe her. “But you must have thought it. You and Dad. You must have been angry with me for not going on the tour with him.â€�

  Her eyes filled with a combination of sadness and pain. “We have never blamed you. We have never been angry with you over it. Never. I can’t believe you’ve been carrying this around with you for all these years. This is absolutely crazy.â€� She cupped my face and her voice softened. “Please get that thought out of your head. Please. I promise you with all my heart that the thought never crossed our minds to blame you, sweetheart.â€�

  The sincerity in her eyes was so clear, and I pulled her into my chest, holding her tight. R
elief flooded my veins and it was as if a weight had lifted from my shoulders.

  She pulled away and wiped at her eyes. “I know Allie didn’t blame you either. She’s kept in touch. That photo was one she found when she was going through some boxes ready for moving house. She sent us a copy as it was the most recent one she had of the two of them.

  “Oh. How is she? Is she okay?â€�

  My mum shrugged. “She’s not great, to be honest. I need to tell you something. She blames herself too. She thinks you hate her because she was too ill to be there the night Joe died.â€�

  What? “But how… why would she…?â€�

  “You didn’t speak to her on the day of the funeral. You left without saying goodbye. She has always thought that was because you blamed her.â€� She sighed and shook her head. “I really should bang your heads together.â€�

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  In bed that night, I lay awake, thinking about how I could possibly make things right. I decided the only thing I could do was talk to Allie face to face. Yes, it would mean heading off to the Scottish Borders on a bit of a whim, but hell, I had nothing else to do with my time until Nick was back in the fold. If he ever came back.

  The next morning, I picked up my mobile and dialled Den’s number.

  Den sighed heavily in my ear before I even had a chance to say hello. “Ugh, for fuck’s sake, Si. Don’t tell me you’re running away too!â€� The trouble was, his thoughts were a little too close to the mark for comfort.

  Taking a deep breath for courage, I fessed up. “I do want to head off for a few days, but at least I’m telling you and not just taking off. And I’ll be contactable so you won’t need to fret. I just have some stuff to do. Some things that need to be said directly to someone.â€�

  He huffed again. “Bloody hell fire. And here I was thinking you were the reliable one.â€�

  I couldn’t help laughing at the melodrama he created out of nothing. “Den, I am reliable. Like I said, I just need to take a few days out. A week maybe… two weeks tops.â€�

  “Next you’ll be saying a month or a bloody year. I’m too old for this shit, Delaney. My poor heart can’t take it, you know.â€�

  I chuckled again. “Come off it, Den. You’re fitter than the rest of us. Stop being such a drama queen, eh?â€�

  He made a snorting noise filled with disdain and frustration. “I want a bloody girl band next time. They can’t be any worse than you lot. At least I could cope with expecting all the hormonal crap.â€�

  I sucked the air in through my teeth, mocking him. “You sure about that? They have so much more than that hormonal shit going on, you know? Bitchiness, drama, cat fights.â€�

  He fell silent for a moment. “Okay, fair point. But if you so much as hint that you’re not coming back—â€�

  “It won’t happen, Den. I promise.â€�

  He sighed again, sounding utterly defeated. “Right. Well, I’m trusting you. Although God only knows why. I’ll have a car with you for eleven.â€� He hung up before I could thank him.

  I stuffed my possessions in to my old duffel bag and made my way downstairs. The smell of bacon wafted through the air to greet me and my stomach rumbled.

  “Ooh, someone sounds hungry,â€� my mum said as she tiptoed up—spatula in hand—to kiss my cheek.

  I patted my belly. “Yeah. Very. Look… I’m going away for a few days. I hope you don’t mind.â€�

  Her happy expression disappeared. “But you’ve only just come home.â€�

  I nodded and cringed. “I know. I know and I’m sorry, but… I need to go and see Allie, Mum. I need to talk to her. To set things straight.â€�

  She began to serve up bacon onto two slices of bread which I presumed were for me.

  After a few silent moments, she handed me the plate. “I understand. I’m just a little sad that we won’t get to see much of you. You’ll be back on the road before we know it.â€�

  I took the plate and pulled her to me with my free arm. “I’ll be back before I go on tour. I promise, Mum. I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.â€� I kissed her head. “A car will arrive for me at eleven. The sooner I get there, the sooner I can come home to some of your steak pie.â€�

  I winked down at her and she smiled. “And you can’t talk to Allie on the phone?â€�

  I shook my head. “I need to speak to her face to face, Mum. I owe her that much.â€�

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  Bang on eleven o’clock, a black car with tinted windows pulled up outside my parents’ home, where a crowd of fans—mainly female—and paparazzi had gathered.

  Before opening the front door, I kissed and hugged my mum and dad. “Bye, you guys. See you in a few days.â€�

  My mum clung to me as she always did when it was time to say goodbye. “You’ve got the address?â€�

  I held up the piece of paper she had given me. “Yes.â€�

  “Take care, son. Don’t go getting in any trouble with the press, okay?â€�

  I rolled my eyes. “Dad, I’ll be fine. I promise.â€�

  My security guard, Steve—who was, I might add, built like a brick shit house—shielded me as he opened the door and we made our way out to the car. Keeping his eyes on the crowd, he opened the car door and, to a chorus of “WE LOVE YOU, SI!â€� and “THIS WAY, MR DELANEY!â€� and “IS NICK REALLY DEAD?â€� I climbed in, unscathed, and fastened my seatbelt as the door was closed.

  Steve climbed into the passenger seat and turned to face me. “Everything okay, Mr Delaney?â€�

  I nodded. “Fine, and please just call me Si. I hate all that formal bollocks.â€�

  He nodded and his mouth formed a line, which I guessed was his way of smiling. “Very good, sir. Si it is. This is George and he’s driving us up to Kelso today.â€�

  “Great to meet you, George, and thanks. Do you chaps mind if I have a nap? I didn’t sleep much last night.â€�

  “You don’t need to ask permission, Mr D—Si. We work for you, remember?â€�

  I felt my face warming. “Oh, yeah. Okay, well I’m going to stick my headphones in and listen to some tunes and have a sleep.â€�

  Steve gave a single nod and turned to face front as a black screen rose between me and the front of the car. I knew I’d never get used to the whole fancy chauffeur driven car thing. I stuck my earbuds in and hit shuffle before resting my head back and closing my eyes.

  Chapter 6

  Si

  *

  I must have really needed the sleep as Steve woke me up to tell me we had arrived at the address I had provided. Knowing that the journey was a fair few hours, I was pretty disappointed that I hadn’t been awake for at least some of it. I sat there for a moment and rubbed my hands over my face.

  I didn’t really think this through. What if she tells me to piss off? I have nowhere to sodding stay. She might be married or something, and her bloke might not want me there. In fact, if he knows anything about me, he’ll probably tell me to fuck off. Maybe a little more research and a few more questions would’ve been a good idea, Si, you muppet.

  Steve’s voice dragged me away from my thoughts. “Si, sir, it all seems quiet out there but would you like me to accompany you to the door?â€�

  So, I was still sir? I guessed the informal thing wasn’t going to work. “Erm, no thanks, Steve. No one knows I’m here so it’s all good. Thanks though.â€�

  Steve left the car and opened my door. When I stepped out, I found myself on a lane outs
ide a little stone cottage that sat in what appeared to be the middle of nowhere. There was a distant bleating of sheep and I could hear birdsong, but other than that, and the wind in the surrounding trees, it was so peaceful. There was a little white Fiat parked at the side of the house which I took as a good sign of someone being home. But who was it? My heart skipped at the thought of having to defend myself against some huge, brusque Scotsman.

  I grabbed my duffel bag and suddenly remembered I hadn’t arranged accommodation. “Shit. Hotel,â€� I cursed.

  Steve chipped in from behind me. “Don’t worry, sir. Den has arranged a room for you at the Roxburgh Hotel. From the pictures I’ve seen, it’s very nice.â€� I turned to face him, relieved. “George and I are instructed to stay there too, until you’re ready to leave. Here’s a card with our mobile numbers on, so you can give us a call if and when we’re needed to collect you.â€�

  I took the card from his hand and closed the car door. With a deep breath for courage, I turned and walked up to the sage green painted front door and knocked.

  Within a minute or so, it opened, and a woman I recognised immediately stood there, drying her hands on a tea towel. She wore jeans and a pale blue fitted shirt. She looked just as I remembered.

  She frowned but then her eyes widened and she shook her head in what looked like disbelief. “Yes? Can I help you?â€�

  I swallowed and blinked, suddenly overwhelmed with a flood of memories bombarding my mind. “Allie. Allie, it’s me, Si. Si Delaney?â€�

  She gasped and flung her arms around my neck. “Oh my God. I thought it was you but then my head said it couldn’t be! But it really is!â€�

  Her warm welcome was a surprise, and as we stood on the doorstep, I heard the car pull away, leaving me there to face the music, no matter the tone of it.