In His Place: Sonic Idols Book #2 Read online

I expected her to slap me or scream at me. But when that didn’t happen, I threw caution and sensible thought to the wind and took her mouth with my own.

  Her lips were soft and yielding, and I could taste the remnants of her tears mixed with the wine we’d been drinking. I slipped my arm around her and pulled her into my lap. Her legs straddled mine and the friction of her pressing down on me sent shivers darting through my body. Sweeping my hands up her arms and into her hair, I kissed her with urgency as she gripped my shoulders and kissed me back with just as much.

  What the hell’s happening? Why the fuck are you doing this? She was Joe’s, not yours.

  Never yours.

  I chose to ignore the voice of reason niggling at the back of my brain as I caressed her face and arms and she held onto my shoulders. She began to move her hands and I felt sure at that point she was going to push me away, but instead, her hands slipped into my hair and she moaned. I moved my mouth down to her neck and she lightly grazed my scalp with her nails.

  Whatever the hell this was, I needed it. I needed to make her forget the pain, and I sensed she wanted that too. I dared to slowly trace from her waist up to the side of her breast with my thumb and she gasped again.

  She pulled away and rested her forehead on mine. “I want you to love me, Si. Please will you love me?â€�

  You can’t do this. It’s wrong. You’re betraying your brother. Just stop.

  No matter how loud my subconscious screamed at me, I somehow managed to ignore it. She reached down, gripped the hem of my T-shirt, and dragged it upwards and off before tossing it aside. The ghost of a smile graced her lips as she traced the tattoos on my chest and bent to kiss them. First the skull, then the dragon. I closed my eyes and let my head roll back as she moved her mouth across my heated skin.

  Opening my eyes once more, I gripped her arse and lifted her as I stood; my gaze locked on hers. I walked towards the staircase and hoped I was heading in the right direction for her bedroom. She continued to kiss and nibble at my bottom lip. Once at the top of the stairs, she reached to her right and shoved open the door to my left. I carried her in and laid her down on the bed. I unfastened my boots, kicking them aside before removing my jeans. All sense of reason had long since gone, and all that filled my heart and mind was the need to be inside her. She lay there, pleading at me with her eyes, and I suddenly felt very sober.

  But I didn’t stop.

  I lowered myself to my knees on the bed beside her and reached to unbutton her shirt. She lifted to allow me to remove it and she unclasped her bra, letting that fall too. Her breasts were just as beautiful as I imagined. Pert but real, and I longed to feel them in my hands. I traced the waistline of her jeans and flicked the button open as I lifted my gaze from her flawless, pale skin to her vivid blue eyes that were now darker somehow.

  My hand hovered just inside her panties and I paused. I needed to stop. We needed to stop.

  But she slipped her jeans and panties down her legs and reached up to pull me towards her again. This kiss was deeper. I slipped my tongue into her mouth and couldn’t help the gravelly moan that left my own throat as my fingers glided lower and found her arousal.

  Sheer bliss.

  Kissing and touching her was the most sensual experience I’d ever had. I’d wanted this for so damn long, but I wanted more. I needed more of her.

  My fingers toyed with the sensitive flesh at the apex of her thighs and she closed her eyes. “Love me, Si,â€� came her whispered command again. I stood, discarded my boxers, and grabbed a condom from the wallet in my jeans pocket before climbing onto the bed again and resting myself between her silky-smooth thighs. She opened her eyes and her gaze was once again locked on me. She lifted herself up and tangled her hands in my hair again. “Please, Si. I need you.â€� Last time she had needed me, I had let her down, and I had no intention of doing that again.

  Once I was sheathed, I lowered myself until I was poised at her entrance, and she lay back again, lifted her legs, and wrapped them around me, pulling me, willing me closer. I hesitated again. We’d drunk almost four bottles of wine. This was crazy.

  It’s just sex. Just a release, that’s all. You’ve had no strings attached sex plenty of times before. That’s all this is. Just sex.

  Who was I trying to convince? I was the only one who could hear my inner voice and I was blatantly ignoring it.

  I sank myself deep into her and nuzzled her neck as she shivered and scratched at my back, willing me deeper still. Her body enveloped mine and I closed my eyes, relishing the sensations of pleasure deep in my groin and the adoration filling my heart. I lifted my head to gaze down at her beneath me and she pulled me down to kiss her again, our tongues tangling together, our teeth nibbling and our hot, panted breaths mingling.

  I moved inside her and all cognitive thought left my head. I was simply a mass of pleasure and sensation. I had never felt this way with a woman before and it scared the hell out of me, but yet again, I pushed away the niggling fear and concentrated on giving pleasure to Allie. I teased her nipples with my tongue and teeth and she gasped, moaned, and writhed beneath me.

  Pressure began to build and my breaths came faster as I moved in time with them. I reached down between our bodies and connected to the nub of nerves between her thighs again and she cried out, tightening around me and moving her hips in perfect synchronisation with mine. I buried my mouth between her neck and shoulder and found my own incoherent, growled release.

  I lay there for a few moments, not daring to move, and enjoying the feeling of her heart beating rapidly against my bare chest. I placed a gentle kiss on her cheek and held her to me briefly before moving away to clean myself up.

  When I stood from the bed with my back towards her, she gasped and then cried out, “Your tattoo. Oh my God, Joe. What have I done?â€�

  Chapter 8

  Si

  *

  Allie locked herself in the bathroom and I could hear her pained sobs vibrating through the walls.

  It was official.

  I was the biggest bastard on the planet.

  Once I was dressed, I dolefully walked down the stairs again and sat on the sofa. I made a quick call to Steve and asked to be picked up as soon as possible, and he confirmed he’d be there. I hung up the call, suddenly feeling so alone it hurt.

  With my head in my hands, I whispered, “Sorry, Joe. I’m so sorry, Joe,â€� over and over, as if doing so would erase or undo the colossal mistake I had just made.

  It’s one thing to realise you’re in love with your brother’s nineteen-year-old girlfriend when you’re sixteen, but a whole other thing to have sex with her when you’re an adult who should know better. And even though Joe wasn’t around anymore, that fact somehow made it worse. Like I’d tarnished his memory. Defiled it in the worst possible way.

  Betrayal. That was the word that fit what I had done.

  And I had ruined my relationship with the most special person tying me to my brother’s memory. How the fuck could she ever forgive me now?

  I smacked myself in the head, hard, and cursed aloud. “Fucking stupid idiot, Delaney. Stupid, stupid, stupid.â€� The pounding in my head was nowhere near the punishment I felt I deserved.

  “A-are you okay, Si?â€� came a whispered voice from behind me. I hadn’t realised the sobbing had stopped, nor had I heard Allie enter the room.

  I turned my head but didn’t look directly at her. “No. No, I’m not okay. I’ve called my driver. As soon as he gets here, I’ll be leaving. You won’t hear from me again.â€�

  She sniffed and cleared her throat. “I… I see. Erm… okay. But you don’t have to go.â€�

  Confusion clouded my head and I couldn’t think straight. “Allie, the way you cried out when you saw my ink tells me I do have to go.�
�€�

  She stepped around the sofa and stopped in front of me. “I’m sorry about that. It’s just… I just…â€�

  “You realised we made a mistake of fucking epic proportions. And you were right. Because right now, I feel like utter shit.â€�

  “Si, you have to understand that you were my first since Joe died. I have all these warring feelings inside and I don’t know what to do with them. How to react. I feel safe with you because I know you. I needed you and you gave me what I needed, but—â€�

  Anger bubbled up from deep within me, and for the first time in my life, I felt used. But not just used. Used and discarded. The only woman I had ever loved had just used me to get her out of a fucking dry spell. Not in all my years of meaningless one night stands had I felt so utterly pathetic and stupid. Stupid for hoping that maybe one day she could fall for me the way I had fallen for her all those years before. Okay, so it was a dumb bastard of a dream. But it hurt like a bitch.

  I stood and towered over her. “Oh, well, I’m glad I could be of fucking service.â€�

  She gasped and reached out to slap me but I flinched out of the way.

  Rage and hurt flared in her eyes. “How dare you? That’s not what I meant and you know it. That was such a cruel thing to say when you know I’m not that kind of woman. All I meant was—â€� She was interrupted by a loud, insistent knock at the door.

  We both glanced at the inanimate object as if expecting the owner of the knuckles to burst in. When they didn’t, I turned to face her.

  The pain evident in her eyes twisted at my heart, and I hated myself for saying something so crass. “Look, Allie… I don’t know what to say to you, and quite frankly, anything I do say will no doubt make this whole thing even worse. But… this should never have happened. I know you feel the same and I know it’s too late to realise that now, but I’m so sorry if I hurt you. The last thing I would ever do is hurt you.â€� I gazed into her vivid blue eyes and clenched my jaw, fighting the onslaught of more alcohol-fuelled emotion. My hand itched to touch her, but instead I balled my fist, digging my nails into my hand. “I swear it would be the last fucking thing I would ever knowingly do.â€� My voice broke and I turned and walked away from her as fast as I could, opening and closing the front door without looking back.

  Steve greeted me and opened the car. “Good evening, Mr Delaney. I hope your visit went according to plan. I took the liberty of ordering a snack to be left in your suite and—â€�

  “I told you, my name is Si. Now, can you just get me the fuck back to the hotel as fast as possible… please.â€� I was aware there was no need for my shitty attitude, but I slammed the limo door behind me and sat with my head back, eyes closed, head still pounding.

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  Back in the unfamiliar setting of my hotel room, sleep evaded me.

  Alcohol had soaked up every last drop of water in my body and my brain rattled around in my head like a loose crate in a lorry. My mind’s eye assaulted me with images. First it was Allie beneath me, touching me and crying out in ecstasy, and then in quick succession, there were images of her running to the bathroom, sobbing and slamming the door. The only thing that would have made the whole thing worse was if she’d thrown up too.

  It had been my tribute ink that had hammered the final nail in the coffin. Angel wings and Joe’s name emblazoned on my skin. She had seen that and completely lost it. I understood. I mean, who in their right mind sleeps with their dead fiancé’s brother? Oh yeah, that’s right… the same type of person who sleeps with their dead brother’s fiancée.

  ğŸ�µğŸ�µğŸ�µ

  I must’ve fallen asleep eventually as the sound of my mobile woke me. I contemplated ignoring it. But the fact it may have been Allie struck like lightning and I fumbled for my phone.

  Please be Allie… please be Allie… please be Allie. “H-hello?â€�

  A loud belch reverberated over the airwaves. “G’day, little drummer boy!â€� Chris. Great timing as always.

  I rubbed my hand roughly over my face. “Hi, Chris. What’s up?â€�

  He snickered like a teenager. “Got a joke for you, dude.â€�

  Here we go. I rolled my eyes. “Oh yeah? This should be good.â€�

  “Yeah, it’s a corker. Okay… so… why is a drum machine better than a real-life drummer?â€� I remained silent and waited for the terrible punchline. “A drum machine won’t shag your girlfriend.â€� He proceeded to guffaw loudly in my ear, but after the events of the previous night, I wasn’t in the mood for his piss-taking and the joke hit a little too close to home for my liking.

  “Was there a reason for your call, Chris? I’ve got stuff to do, mate.â€�

  He fell silent for a few moments. “Okay, what’s up? I know you’ve gone up north for a fricking holiday, mate, so I know you don’t have shit to do.â€�

  I pinched the bridge of my nose, hoping it would ease the pain in my head. “I don’t want to talk about it, Chris. Can you just tell me why you called and then I can go back to feeling like the scum of the earth?â€�

  He sighed heavily. “Look, Si, we’ve almost lost a second member of the band this month and I don’t want to have to worry about you too, so just spill it, eh?â€� His tone had morphed into big brother mode.

  How do I say this? “I made a huge mistake last night. I’m such a fucking idiot, Chris.â€� I fought the urge to smack myself in the head again.

  I heard a noise that sounded like Chris had slumped onto a chair or bed. “Okay, spill it. What’ve you done?â€�

  I sat up and shook my head. “I can’t believe I’m actually going to tell you this. But you must promise not to judge me, okay? I’m beating myself up enough for both of us.â€�

  “Go on. I’m listening.â€� I could sense a combination of worry and intrigue in his voice.

  I cleared my throat. “I… erm… I went to see Allie yesterday.â€�

  “Ah, great. How’s she doing? I’ve been meaning to get in touch. Oh, but hang on… what did you say to her? Did you fucking upset her?â€�

  I closed my eyes. “I kind of did.â€�

  He heaved out a frustrated huff of air. “Okay. What did you say?â€�

  “It’s not what I said. It’s more of what I… erm… we kind of slept together.â€�

  Silence.

  The pain in my head increased and my empty stomach lurched. “I didn’t mean to… I mean… we drank a lot of wine and—â€�

  “Fucking hell, Si. I knew you were in love with the woman, but fuck.â€� Shit. So everyone knew all along? And no one admitted this to me? Just fucking great! His voice lowered. “How was it then? I mean, judging by how you sound it wasn’t that great. Was it…you know… totally shit?â€�

  Annoyance niggled at me and I snapped at him. “Hey, I’m not going into fucking details with you. Jesus, what do you take me for? And why would you even ask such a thing?â€�

  “Okay, okay. Calm down, mate. I just meant… you know… sometimes we want something so badly that when it happens it doesn’t live up to expectations. That’s all I meant, dude.â€�

  “Yeah, well for your information it was in no way shit. Far from it. Let’s leave it at that, okay?â€�

  “So if it wasn’t shit, why the hell do you sound so pissed off? Shouldn’t you be planning the next time? Or did she think you were a shit lay?â€� I sensed a hint of humour to his tone and chose to ignore it.

  Instead, I cringed as I remembered the events of the ev
ening. “When I stood up after we… you know… she saw my back tat and freaked out. Started to sob. Locked herself in the bathroom.�

  “Oh, fuck. That’d do it. It’s a pretty damn big reminder of what she lost, mate.â€�

  I dropped my gaze and rubbed my temple. “It must have been like a slap to her face. Anyway, then I turned into Needy-Mc-fucking-Arsehole and said a few things I maybe shouldn’t have. We didn’t really deal with the issue and I left before we could talk about things. I figured she’d want me gone. But now I feel shitty. Like I should have done something else. I don’t know.â€�

  “Look, Si, get your driver to take you over there and tell her you need to talk. You can’t leave things like this, dude. She’s still in contact with your folks. What the hell will they say if she tells them? You can’t have this hanging over you. It needs dealing with.â€�

  Shit. I hadn’t even thought about my folks. He was right. And I hated when Chris was right.

  When I had been thoroughly chastised for my behaviour like an errant fucking schoolboy, I hung up, never discovering the real reason for his call. I showered and dressed, ordered room service, and then called Steve to ask him to take me back to Allie’s house.

  Chapter 9

  Allie

  *

  I heard Si’s car pull away, its tyres spinning on the gravel of the lane outside my house. My head pounded and my heart ached. So many damned emotions swirled around inside of me that I didn’t know which to address first.

  The sex had been amazing, and it had been so long since I had allowed anyone to touch me that I was completely and unexpectedly overwhelmed by not only the sensations, but the emotion too.

  Sex with Joe had always been sensual and meaningful, and I missed that so much. Having Si here and drinking too much alcohol had led to reminiscing about happier times, and then the rest. It shocked me how much he reminded me of Joe initially. His mannerisms, his voice. All I wanted was to feel close to someone again. To close my eyes and pretend Joe was back in my life. It was wrong and so twisted that I was ashamed of letting things go as far as they had. But ultimately, Si had given me what I needed. A release. A sense of being wanted. To know that I wasn’t some frigid woman destined to be a spinster.