In His Place: Sonic Idols Book #2 Page 9
I realised I’d been rambling on and on and snapped my attention back to her to find her smiling at me with a wistful look in her eyes.
I cringed. “Shit, sorry. I got a bit carried away there.�
She shook her head, her sweet smile still in place. “No, that was so lovely. You talk about them like they’re family.�
“That’s because they are.�
Her smile faded a little. “It’s funny. Joe used to be the same. You’re like him in so many ways… but so different too.�
I smiled and lowered my gaze to my mug of coffee again. “Yeah… so I’ve heard.�
She placed down her mug and walked over to my bed, taking a seat on the edge. “When you talk about the band and about playing, you… you just light up. It’s clear you love what you do.�
Having her so close to me again was a little unnerving and butterflies took flight inside me. “I do. I really, really do. And I finally feel like I’m supposed to be there. For ages, I felt like an imposter. Like Joe was the drummer but I was temporarily in his place, you know?�
She reached over and placed her hand on my arm. “You are supposed to be there, Si. And Joe would have been so proud of you. But sometimes it’s as though you think you’ve got be like him or… or to compensate for him not being here. And that’s sad. You’re a lovely guy and you’re so, so talented in your own right. You should embrace that. Don’t feel the need to apologise for the fact that you’re here and he isn’t.�
Without thinking it through, I said, “But you’d rather be sharing this room with him right now.�
She sighed. “You’re doing it again. This isn’t about Joe anymore. Of course I’ll always keep him in my heart. And I’ll always love him, as will you. But… step out of his shadow. You’re not in his place. You’re in your own, Si. Remember that.�
Her gaze was fixed on me and her words made my heart soar. Hearing that, especially from her, meant so much. I leaned forwards to hug her as a thank you, but as I moved, she connected her lips with mine and slipped her hands into my hair as she pulled herself closer. She was kneeling above me and I encircled her in my arms. Her tongue slipped into my mouth and tangled with mine, and for a few moments, I lost myself in the pure sensuality of the kiss.
But confusion washed over me and sensibility reigned so I pulled away. “Whoa, sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.�
She touched her lips with her fingertips. Her cheeks were flushed. “No, I’m sorry. That was all me. I just… I can’t explain what happens to me when I’m around you.� She closed her eyes briefly and then peered at me with a questioning expression, as if I had the answer. “I shouldn’t be attracted to you, Si, but I am,� she whispered.
I stood and grabbed a T-shirt from the end of my bed. “We’re in Joe’s old room and we were just talking about him. I’m just a reminder of him. That’s all it is. Don’t sweat it. I’m off to take a shower.�
I left and quickly made my way to the bathroom where I locked the door, stripped out of my clothing, and turned the shower to hot until I was embraced in a cloud of steam. I stepped under the molten cascade and closed my eyes, willing my body to calm the fuck down. But it wouldn’t co-operate, so I did the only thing I could. I got myself off with the memories of that kiss.
Chapter 14
Allie
*
When I arrived at the Delaney’s and realised Si was still at home, I was ready to turn around and leave, but his mum clearly wanted me there. I wasn’t sure if she was testing us to see if we really had sorted our issues out like Si had told her, or if she was just so keen to spend time with us both that she saw my visit as killing two birds with one stone.
After the kiss in his bedroom, Si made excuses and left the room like it was on fire. I mentally slapped myself. Seriously, what the hell is wrong with me? But, oh my word, his kisses were enough to melt my underwear and I couldn’t help craving them. But I definitely should have left at that first instant and then none of this would have happened.
Everything I said had been sincere. He was meant to be in the band. He wasn’t simply some kind of Joe replacement. But although he said he felt settled with Sonic Idols, something told me he was still trying to convince himself.
After that kiss, he began to avoid me. He spent a lot of time hidden away in the garden shed, and I desperately wanted to get things back to normal with him. I would have to figure out a way of controlling myself around him. It was as though my body was drawn to him against my mind’s will. Like he was a drug and I was okay so long as I got a little fix every so often. There was no doubt in my mind that he had awakened a long dormant sexual appetite, but the way I was behaving was incredibly stupid and I knew it. What kind of person did it make me? A bad kind; that one thing was certain. Of all the men in the whole world, the last one I should be fantasising about was my dead fiancé’s brother.
I had to take things back to how they were before. Well, before we slept together for the first time, at least. Things between us should have been light and breezy. Fun and uncomplicated. Sex shouldn’t have entered into it with us.
But then again, he was single and so was I. Nothing would bring Joe back. And as much as I missed him, I had a life to live. Everything had been on hold for so long. Like I had taken a break from life in general—afraid to move on in case I sullied the memory of the one good thing I’d had. But this thing with Si had gone beyond sullying Joe’s memory. And that was the thing I couldn’t bear to think about.
Chapter 15
Si
*
Like a total coward, yet again, I avoided Allie at every opportunity for the next few days. Our morning conversations stopped too. Mainly because I was up before her and out in my dad’s shed with Joe’s old guitar, trying to put some order to the feelings inside me. I figured it helped Nick and Chris to write it down, so why couldn’t it be cathartic for me too? It was no doubt clear to Allie that I was keeping away from her, and I only hoped she didn’t take it the wrong way. But the more we chatted, the closer we got, and the closer we got, the more I wanted her. It was futile. So, I did the best thing I could. I hid.
The paparazzi presence had dwindled to almost nothing too. The novelty of Sonic Idols’ troubles had worn off, thankfully, and it was beginning to feel like normal life. Like it was before I took Joe’s place in the band and Sonic Idols whisked me off to the dizzy heights of stardom. It was strange but quite comforting at the same time.
The security guards had been relieved of their posts at the front door, and the little cul-de-sac once again resembled a run of the mill residential street. I’m sure the neighbours were relieved. Bless them; they put up with a hell of a lot without much complaint.
Tuesday morning of the following week and the weather was great. A cheerful blue sky formed a canopy and backdrop for the birds which were in full song. I had already been in the shed with a coffee and the guitar for around an hour and my song was still utter garbage. I could strum a tune, but I wasn’t up to the standard of my contemporaries. I was thinking that maybe I should leave it to the professionals. After all, there’s the joke Chris told me about a drummer informing his bandmates he’d written a song, the punchline being they were the last words he uttered before the door hit him on the arse on the way out.
I stepped out into the garden to stretch my legs and I heard a cacophony of noise at the front of the house. Voices shouting… so many voices I couldn’t make out a familiar one. Filled with dread and panic, I ran to the house and in through the conservatory.
My mother was standing by the front door, peering through the gla
ss panel with her hands over her mouth, sobbing her heart out, and in another room I could hear my dad’s strained tone speaking loudly, demanding someone get here as soon as humanly possible.
Mum turned when she heard me.
Tears were streaming down her face and all the colour had drained from her cheeks. “Oh, Simeon, you’ve got to help her!� she pleaded, gripping my arm. “Your dad’s on the phone with the police and I’m too scared to go out there. Please do something.�
I yanked the front door open, and to my absolute horror, Allie was surrounded by hordes of reporters and fans all screaming at her. Camera flashes were going off left and right, and Allie stood there with her hands over her ears and her head bowed.
She was being bombarded by painful questions. “Just tell us if it’s true, Allie. You know what it feels like to lose someone to drugs. If it’s drugs, will the band fold?�
“You bitch! Joe died because of you!�
“Allie, are you going to pose for us, love?�
“Allie, how to does it feel to lose a loved one to an overdose, only to find his best friend has gone down the same path?�
The whole scene was reminiscent of the one that caused Nick to disappear. My heart plummeted in my chest. Allie must have been terrified.
I ran down the path towards the crowd, flailing my arms like a mad man, and screamed, “Get the fuck away from her!�
Suddenly the attention was on me. The camera lenses were thrust in my face, and even though it was daylight, I was dazzled by flashbulbs too close for comfort, causing spots before my eyes. I shoved my way through the crowd to get to Allie, not caring if I felled a few reporters in the process.
Once I reached her, I shouted above the noise of the crowd into her ear. “Allie, it’s me. I’ve got you. Come on.�
She slowly lifted her chin and fixed me with a blank stare. Her eyes were bloodshot and her pale face was wet from the tears she had shed during the melee. As if only just recognising me, her eyes widened and she flung her arms around me, sobbing. My heart almost shattered into a million pieces as I clung to her and she shuddered.
I lifted her into my arms and turned to head back to the house. “Get the fuck out of my way, the lot of you. NOW!� I roared. Some of the crowd moved and I managed to take a few steps.
They began to ask me questions, clearly ignoring my furious state. “Is it true, Si? Is Nick Dacre in rehab for drug addiction? Is that why the band has split?�
Turning to the reporter who had asked the question, I sneered. “I will only say this once. Nick Dacre is no drug addict. You’ve caused this. All of YOU! Now get out of my fucking way. You’ve caused this poor girl enough stress to last a fucking lifetime. LEAVE!�
At that moment, police sirens could be heard, along with the screeching of tyres, and the crowd began to disperse. Police in riot gear appeared and grabbed at the scattering hordes, making several arrests.
One of the officers escorted me inside the house and met my parents in the hallway. Dad and Mum went into the kitchen with him and I took Allie into the lounge, where I placed her carefully on the sofa.
My heart hammered at my chest as I swept the hair away from her face, checking for bruises. I looked directly into her eyes. “Are you okay? Did any of them touch you? Hurt you?�
She shook her head slowly as more tears came. “I’m okay. Just shaken up. Thank you. I was so scared, Si, but you… you saved me,� she whispered.
I rested my forehead on hers. “God, if anything had happened to you, Allie… I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry you were mobbed like that. This was all my fault. I shouldn’t be here thinking I can be some normal bloke living a normal fucking life. How stupid am I?�
She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault. They’re just greedy for stories. Every single one of them wants to get their hands on the next big scoop. It was stupid of me to head out alone and expect to be okay.�
“Not at all. Jesus, you were only a hundred yards from the door. Where the hell did they come from?�
She shrugged. “I don’t know. It was surreal. One second I was heading out for a jog with my headphones in, and the next, they just appeared, coming towards me like a pack of zombies with their arms outstretched.�
The police officer arrived in the doorway. “Miss Kendry? May I have a quick word?�
Allie lifted her face and smiled briefly at the officer. “Sure.�
“I’m Officer Benson of West Yorkshire Police. I wanted to check that you’re okay. I need to take a statement from you and ask if you wish to press charges at all.�
I stood. “I’ll leave you to it.�
Allie grabbed my hand. “No! Si, don’t leave. Please?�
I squeezed her hand and crouched down beside her once more. “Okay. I’m here for you.�
���
Once Officer Benson had recorded statements from Allie and me, he left us alone with the assurance that there would be a police guard on the property for the foreseeable future. As much as I had hoped to get back to a semblance of normal life, I appreciated the fact that they were so concerned.
After a long call with Den, in which he panicked and turned the air blue with expletives, I hung up and went to sit beside Allie once again on the sofa. My parents had joined us in the living room and my mum had handed out glasses of brandy, strictly for medicinal purposes, of course. Bless her heart.
As I sat on the sofa, Allie snuggled into my side and fell asleep. The ordeal had exhausted her. Thinking nothing of her actions, I sat and watched TV, where the local news reported the horror that had occurred on my street.
I could sense my parents watching me, and when I glanced over, they pretended they were watching TV too.
I scrunched my brow and whispered, “What? What’s up?�
They glanced furtively at each other and my mum said, “Nothing, love. Nothing at all.�
A while later, Allie awoke and excused herself to go take a bath, and I went into the kitchen to make coffee. My mum followed close behind, just as I suspected she would.
She reached into the fridge for the milk and placed it down next to the mugs I had prepared. “She thinks a lot of you.�
I smiled. “Well, the feeling’s mutual, Mum. She’s… erm… like a sister to me.�
My mum reached up and cupped my cheek. “Simeon, I’m your mother. Don’t try to kid me. You’ve been in love with that girl since you were sixteen years old.�
I rolled my eyes. “You as well? Oh, for f—�
“Language, Simeon. And anyway, it’s sweet the way you went to her rescue. You’re like her hero.� She placed her hand over her heart. “The way she looked at you earlier…�
Trying to remain calm, I turned to my mum and forced a smile. “Don’t go thinking anything’s going on. Okay? That’d just be… weird. She was Joe’s. Not mine. My feelings don’t count.�
She snorted derisively. “Poppycock. Utter twaddle. She’s not a ragdoll. She’s a human being and it’s up to her who she loves. And your feelings do count, you silly thing. Of course they count. And what exactly is weird? You’re two single adults.� She paused and appeared thoughtful for a moment. “And Joe’s gone, love.�
With that comment, she left the kitchen and me reeling in it.
What the hell just happened?
Chapter 16
Allie
*
All I wanted to do was take a little time out to think. To come up with a plan to get things back on track with me and Si. I pulled
on my running leggings and jacket and stuck my earbuds in. A run would surely help. When I stepped out the front door, a strange uneasiness niggled at the pit of my stomach. It was too quiet. I was trying to decide whether I should retreat inside and maybe ask if I could use the running machine in the garage instead, but like a pack of wolves who had been stalking their prey, the crowds appeared out of hiding and pounced.
The niggling became terror as the baying creatures began to yell in my face. There was no space between them, and their aggressive faces blurred into one menacing monster, seemingly ready to rip the flesh from my bones. It was a nightmare, only I couldn’t wake up. I had no choice but to stand there, lights flashing in my face and verbal abuse battering me from all angles.